Hijabi Heartbreaker: Februari 2013

When I saw this video from Michelle Phan,:

it was inspired me to make this blog (I can't describe it verbally on video, like Michelle). And, I also want to share my experience about how do I do to start all over again with my own way.

I know it's really hard for me to starting over again since I breakup with my ex because he's cheating on me and he married with someone else. But, you know what? I should do something that makes me feel better. Starting over. I know it's hard to do that. But, at least I have to try. So, I wanted to share my experience about how I starting over since then.

1. Letting Go

I know it's easy for me to say this. But, that's true. I letting go for everything or everyone that makes me sad and brokenhearted. I dump my ex's band album to the garbage can, remove his phone number from my contact, delete all of his pictures from my computer, un-follow his Twitter account and his band's Twitter account, etc. Anything that reminds me about my ex, I dumped it. I dumped my ex to the ocean.

Right now, I already forgot what he is like and what is the latest news from him. I just close my eye. bowed my head, and try to get through the day without thinking about my ex. I'm already move on and I never look back anymore.

I also unfriend his friends on Facebook, un-follow his friends Twitter account, and remove their phone number from my contact either. If I'm still in touch with them, it will only make me remember my ex and makes me more sick and hurt. If they try to follow me on my Twitter account or add me on my Facebook account, I totally declined them. I know it will make them mad. But to heal my broken heart, I can't help to do it.

2. Forgive and Forget.

God is merciful. Why do we as His creatures can't forgive our fellow human beings? Forgive them. But, the first thing you need to do in terms of forgiveness is...

Yes! Forgive yourself! Forgive everything that you've done to your past, forgive yourself because you choose a wrong person in your previous relationship, forgive yourself because you make yourself forget about God because of that wrong person, forgive yourself for not listening to the people who already know what will happen to you with that wrong person, and forgive yourself for loving the wrong person.

After that, you must forgive those who have hurt you. Whether it's from your own family, your friends, or your ex. Also, forget what they have done and forget for what you have done to yourself that has made you hurt. If you still have a lump in your heart, call all your friends, talk to your parents or your family, or consult with a psychologist/psychiatrist if you need a second opinion.

It's not that funny, if you suicide just because of a broken heart. Your family and your friend still need you. Don't even think of suicide. Just take your time and living your life. Moreover, if you have your revenge on them by killing them or any kind of stupid action to take a revenge on your ex. Do you want to be in jail just because you want revenge deeds of the people who have hurt you? No! The best revenge for them is to forgive them and still do well on them.

3. Thank You.

Why should thank you? Before you answer this question, I will tell you how I did it.

When I read The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, my life was really a magic. In that book, there is a sentence that makes my life back to the beginning of the foundation: "If you have a difficult relationship or a mess, suffering from a broken heart, or grudges or blame others for anything, you can change it through gratitude."

Gratitude is meant not just words alone Alhamdulillah (in Islam), but also Thank you. And, fortunately everything was very powerful for me. I always combine Thank You and Alhamdulillah in every aspect of my life (because, I'm a Muslim). I'm so thankful to God for what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen.

Thank yourself because you've done is good and right for you. Thank your family for everything they've said only good for you. Thank to all your best friends because they are always there for you. Thank the people around you because they have to deliver good of you. And, don't forget. Thank God for what He has given you so far that you may be less aware of.

If you find it difficult to speak up for you, you can write a letter to yourself or to someone who has hurt you. This is an example of a letter that I made to my ex:

"Dear Rian,

Rian, I thank God and thank you for our time together. Although our relationship has ended, I have learned a lot and now I'm a lot wiser and closer to God. I also use what I have learned from our relationship in a lot of my relationship at the moment.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for everything that I ever do to maintain my relationship with you, because it means I have tried and it does indeed futile effort.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for all the attention you have given to me. The happiness I have ever received from you I'll never forget.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for all the time you gave me to always keep our relationship. Sorry, if I'm too cool for you.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for those precious moments that I have with you when we are dating. I can finally see that our relationship was clouded by a false love.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for your support when I was going through a difficult grief and loss.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for all the times when I was sick, you do your best to advise me to regularly take medication to run out and eating regularly.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for the great moments we've ever had, and we have a lot of time like that.

Rian, I thank God and thank you for the hurt that has been repeatedly you gave me, because I finally realized that you're not a nice guy to me and God has prepared a better man than you. Now, my feelings for you have disappeared completely.

Rian, I thank God and thank you because I will never marry you. If that happens, our marriage is not going to be good, our family would fall apart, and in the end we were getting a divorce.

I hope you are not angry with me, if you receive this letter. And, convey my regards to your wife. I'm happy for you both.

Greetings from your ex,

Ninis"

If you really want your heart broken can be healed, you better thank God and thank the people who have hurt your feelings, including your ex than you should blame themselves or others for your own problems. It's called, you guys totally ungrateful.

4. Bring Yourself to God

Religion is what keeps us close to God. Man's spiritual life was more orderly if they explore religion in a way closer to God. God will never leave us until whenever and God never dies. If you feel your problem is very severe, come to God. Pour the entire contents of your heart to Him in prayer and make you be quiet with your religion practice.

If you are close to God, I am convinced that life will be quiet and peaceful. Believe me. Just leave it to God. If you still believe in God, leave all your problems to Him when you are already trying to do my best to change your life. He will do the rest. God will always be there for us, even though we are in tough times.

For me, when I was hurt, I couldn't stop reading the Qur'an and continued remembrance of my God, Allah. My heart is very calm when I'm leaving everything to God. But, that doesn't mean I just want to let go but didn't do anything to fix it. And, the next step is a step that I did to fix it.

5. Change Your Outlook.

Change whatever you think deserves to be changed, including yourself. Change your character. For example, you're probably used to be a lazy woman. Transform yourself into a woman that wants to do something. You can do a hobby you might think was delayed due to a broken heart too.Start with the smallest things, you also can change all of it step by step.

You can also change your appearance. For me, I change my appearance by wearing the hijab wherever I go. I tried to combine my clothes before wearing hijab with other clothing or wearing Muslim clothes I had in my closet with the clothes I used to wear before I wear the hijab, so seemingly more appropriate and more courteous to a Muslim woman.

Many people are surprised by my appearance now. Including, my mother. Is not easy to go through life as a Muslim woman who was wearing a hijab. But since I still have God, I'll never flinch and falter against conviction for wearing a hijab. When I wear the hijab, I felt like being born again into a woman who is better than ever, or like red roses began to grow in the spring, or a beautiful butterfly that coming out from a cocoon. Hijab is an obligatory for every Muslim women.

6. Smile!

Smile with sincerity, grace, and gratitude beyond measure. Whatever your problem, keep smiling so you can be ready to face your day and ready to face anything new. The smile of a woman to make her more beautiful than ever. And, people are always friendly smile is a sign that they will be successful. Moreover, for all Muslim women. A smile is worship.

Show the world your smile is, to prove that you're ready to face the day for everything's new. And, you're also ready to achieve your dreams in a long while you're heartbroken. Grown up women will never allow themselves to dissolve the problem and will not let grief impede their dreams. Keep smiling and facing the day, although many of the problems you are facing.

I remember reading a sentence on a fan page on Facebook: "If you cry with tears dripping endless, God said "Smile!" See? God just wants us to smile to be the day that we think is very difficult for us. Because, God doesn't want us to dissolve in the face of our problems. God knows. Behind our vulnerable body and our fragile hearts, there is actually a hidden power that we do not realize. In fact, God has given the power of free. So, make use of those powers in a positive way with a smile.

7. Reach for a Dream you Want.

Reach for your dreams and keep going forward. That's the best way to prove that you can live without the people who have become past you. Prove that you can live without them by doing something you love. I'm sure, the people who have hurt you will surely regret to see that you turned out to be successful without them. Moreover, if you guys who are more successful than them. They must be jealous of your success than they have.